Dead Bra

There’s no such thing as a comfortable bra and other life lessons.  This is the title for my, as-yet-if-ever-to-be published, humor book.  It was also a topic that I have covered in a previous blog titled Underwear.

But an article that came across my newsfeed has me revisiting this topic.

If you read my previous blog post, you may remember that I concluded that finding a comfortable bra is like the search for the Holy Grail.  An endless quest, at great expense, for a non-existent item. 

And now, adding insult to injury, I learned that, like most technology, bras don’t last long. They call this planned obsolescence.  The iPhone 17 will be replaced by the iPhone 18 a year later. The bra? Doesn’t even make it a year.  Its lifespan is about 6 months.

Then, like Cinderella’s carriage which turns into a pumpkin at midnight, your bra becomes what they call a Dead Bra.

AI describes it thusly: A “dead bra” is a bra that has lost its elasticity, structural integrity, and ability to provide proper support, even if it still appears intact on the outside.  Wearing one can lead to discomfort, back and shoulder pain, and poor posture.”

Now mind you, I have no idea who’s behind this dead bra concept.  My cynical self imagines that maybe the heads of all the bra companies got together at an exotic offsite location and colluded to come up with a way to keep bra sales up.  They are in the business for keeping things up, after all.

Let’s recap, shall we?

Bras are not comfortable.  The best bra is maybe comfortable for the first five minutes. If given the choice between being tortured for 15 minutes on the rack, vs 8 hours in a bra, I think most women would pick the rack.  I think I saw a survey somewhere that said the first thing working women do when they get home is take off their bra. I know that if I were still working, I wouldn’t even make it home before taking off the bra.  I’d have that thing off as soon as I got in the car.

Bras are expensive. So, not only do we women have to endure hours of discomfort, we get to pay upwards of $70 for a “good” bra for the pleasure of experiencing the pain.

As if that formula wasn’t cruel enough, we now can add in to this equation, the limited life span of your bra.  As noted previously in this blog, that life span is about 6 months.

Ladies, I ask you, how many of you toss your bras after 6 months? Especially if you spent $70 or more for a “good” one?

I can tell you that as of this very moment, I have 13 bras in my drawer, with about 9 of them dating back to sometime in the early aughts.  I also have an iPhone 12. At least I am consistent.

Dead bras? I guess mine are not just dead, they are a breath away from dessicated.

AI describes the signs of a dead bra as follows:

 The band rides up

Stretched out straps

Gapping or wrinkling

Poking underwire

Dented cups

You’ve run out of hooks

The recommendation? Own three to four everyday bras at a minimum, wearing them in rotation, washing them every two to three wears and NEVER putting them in the dryer.

Let’s do the math shall we? Let’s go with $70 for a “decent” bra.  Let’s go with the minimum of 4 bras.  That’s $280.  At a lifespan of 6 months, multiply that number by two. $560 dollars for bras on an annual basis.  For something that is NOT COMFORTABLE!  For that money, I could get a pair of Jimmy Choo shoes.  Or a pre-owned Louis Vuitton bag.

All of which is to say, I continue to stand by my belief that our feminist bra-burning forbears from the ‘70’s had it right.  Burn the bra.  Set the ladies free. Puritanical mores about confining the girls be damned.  And let’s put that $560 dollars annually to something far more fun. And comfortable.