There are certain questions that are very important for two people to ask themselves before getting married or cohabitating.
Are you a morning person or a night owl?
Do you like the toilet paper to be over or under?
Are you a saver or a spender?
Are you a dog person or a cat person or both?
Do you like to travel or are a homebody?
And of course, perhaps the most critical of all questions: Kids or no kids?
Now, there’s another one we need to explore that I would add to this list. One some of you may not have previously considered. And while not as important as the kids or no kids question, it could be a close second.
And that is, when it comes to calendars, are you analog or digital?
Let me explain.
In the days of old, prior to the digital era, wall calendars were de rigeur. Every home would have a wall calendar in a prominent place within the home, typically in the kitchen or near the kitchen.
Wall calendars were so prevalent that many businesses would hand them out for free as promotional pieces. Around Christmas time, there would be kiosks in the mall (malls, remember them?) that would sell them. There would be a plethora of choices. Cats, dogs, mountains, oceans, flowers, and more. There was even a calendar of Hot Priests, if that was your jam.
It was crucial to have a wall calendar, because for one thing, you didn’t have a pocket- sized computer that you always carried around with you that automatically provided the date and time. How else were we supposed to know what day it was?
Equally important though, was the necessity of writing down and keeping track of all your appointments and all the goings on of a household. If you had kids, the importance of the wall calendar grew exponentially.
But time moves on. And, like so many other things that got disrupted by the tech revolution, the wall calendar approached obsolescence.
I say approached because the wall calendar, while gasping for air, isn’t dead yet.
At least not in our household.
I have embraced the calendar on my phone. For example, you’re at the dentist office and they ask you if you want a card that has your next appointment on it.
“No thank you,” you say, “I just put in my phone, all good.”
Same thing for any and all appointments. Think of all the paper we are saving!
Ernie, however, is not ready to part with his wall calendar. He meticulously puts all his appt info and any other info, like trips, lunches, dinners, shows, etc on the calendar. He does not use the calendar on his phone unless it’s one of those things that will automatically pop up asking you if you want to add it to your calendar. In other words, when the dentist asks him if he wants a card for his next appointment, he answers yes.
This has led to some challenges.
“Hey,” I’ll say to him, “I’m having lunch with Lisa tomorrow.”
He’ll say, “Is it on the calendar?”
In my world, if he used his phone calendar, I could just add him to mine and he’d know I when I was having lunch with Lisa.
What this means, is now I have to keep 2 calendars. I not only have it in my phone, but I have to write it all down separately on the wall calendar. Which, is no longer even a pretty wall calendar with shots of beautiful scenery, but just single sheets of paper for each month that he printed out and clipped together and pinned to the cork board.
Of course, I do not always remember to add my appointments to the wall calendar. But because sometimes I do, this inconsistency can create confusion. I’ll look at the wall calendar and then I may forget to look at my phone calendar. I have missed a get together or two with friends when I had not put it in the wall calendar and forgot to look at my phone calendar. Or vice-versa.
“Ugh,” I would think to myself, “why can’t he just go digital calendar already!”
Then this article showed up in my news feed recently with the following headline:
“Psychologists agree: People who write things down on a paper calendar instead of on their mobile phone have a different mental processing.”
I think, “Oh yes, it’s different mental processing alright. Antiquated mental processing is what it is.”
But I would be wrong.
The article extolled the virtues of the paper calendar.
It said choosing a paper calendar over your phone reshapes memory, motivation and planning and is indicative of certain positive personality traits.
The psychologists who did this research say that “people who prefer a paper planner are often described as more conscientious, reflective, and creative. They like seeing their lives laid out in ink, not buried under a notification badge.”
Paper calendar people “tend to value the tactile experience itself. Writing by hand, flipping pages, and watching empty boxes fill up creates a tangible record of a life that feels satisfying in a way a swipe never quite does.”
This is all supported by some neuroscience work that was done that shows “handwriting activates more widespread brain networks than typing. And crossing off a task is not only visually pleasing-it delivers a small reward hit that keeps you coming back.”
The article goes on to talk about the emotional side of keeping a paper calendar. It’s not just being organized. “You enjoy anticipation. For example, every time your eye lands on that inked-in weekend away, your brain gets a tiny shot of good things are coming.”
And lastly, the psychologists found that “paper calendar people also prize simplicity. In a digital life jammed with apps and alerts, choosing a basic paper grid is a subtle rebellion- a way to manage time without inviting in the entire internet.”
Sigh. Score one for the analog calendar, I guess.
Not to be outdone though, I decided to google personality traits of digital calendar users.
Here’s what Google AI had to say:
Key traits and mindset of digital calendar users:
Logistics-driven: You lean toward practical utility.
Relief Through Automation: You rely on “cognitive offloading”- letting your device track, calculate, and prioritize dates so you do not have to hold every detail in your head.
Constant Connectivity and Flexibility: You value the ability to edit, shift, or duplicate recurring events in seconds without dealing with messy ink markups or rewriting plans.
Shared Coordination: You frequently synchronize schedule with family members, coworkers, or clients.
Proactive reminders: You prefer automated push notification and time-sensitive alerts so that obligations do not slip through the cracks.
Not too shabby.
Where does this leave us? Right where we started.
When exploring compatibility with your significant other, before making that big leap into marriage or cohabitation, don’t forget to ask that all important question:
Are you a Paper Calendar or Digital Calendar person?