The Crows

What’s your favorite bird? If I had to guess, maybe some of you would say the Carolina Wren. Or the Cardinal.  Or the Gold Finch.  But dollars to donuts, I will bet none of you said the Crow.

The Crow. Cousin to the Raven.  Those black as midnight birds that lore and legend have painted as sinister omens, harbingers of ill.  Something to be feared, not loved.  Most other birds are referred to as flocks when there are more than a few together.  But Crows? Their gathering is called a Murder.

And now, having just read some revealing information about Crows, that lore and legend might not be too far off.

But let’s start with the positives.  These birds are smart.  Save the bird-brain descriptor for some other species of bird, because it does not fit the Crow.  In fact, “in terms of specific reasoning and problem-solving tasks, Crows demonstrate intelligence comparable to a 7-year-old human.”

For example, these birds can recognize human faces.  In fact, these birds have one of the “most advanced memories in the animal kingdom.”

Wildlife biologists conducted a simple experiment using rubber masks.  They used a “caveman” mask to designate a “dangerous” face (can’t you just see the Geico Caveman commercial for that?), and they used a, wait for it, a mask of former Vice President Dick Cheney as a “neutral” mask. 

Not sure when this experiment was conducted, but I am going to guess it was before Cheney’s hunting accident where he accidentally shot his friend in the face.  Because clearly, if the biologists had that info they’d have made that the ‘dangerous’ face.

And if they were conducting this experiment today, pretty sure no one from the Republican Party would have been chosen as a “neutral” face.  More likely, they’d have had a tough time trying to pick just one of them from the current Republican cast of characters to be the ‘dangerous’ face.  Unless of course, the wildlife biologists needed government funding for the experiment, or they feared retribution and having funding pulled, in which case, they’d have made Biden the “dangerous” face.

Back to the findings.  So, the researchers in the “caveman’ mask safely trapped and banded some crows and then released them.  Even though it was safely done, it was still a scary thing for the crow.  The researchers then later returned to the area and walked around wearing the two different masks.  When the crows saw the “dangerous’ face, “they would alarm-call, they would dive-bomb that person.” They mostly ignored the neutral face.

And they can remember these faces for years.  Generations even.  They pass the info along, down the family lines.  Cross a Crow and they will hold a grudge.  This is where the lore of ill-omened bird comes into play.

You thought the Corleone family could hold a grudge? Mere child’s play in comparison to the Crow. Good thing Crows don’t have access to machine guns.  But beware their beaks and claws and their ability to dive bomb.  You all saw the Alfred Hitchcock movie, The Birds, right?  Knowing what we now know, he could have titled that movie The Crows.

A note of caution for some of you.  You might not want to go out wearing a MAGA hat.  Some clearly deranged, far-left, terrorist, antifa agitator taught some Crows how to attack MAGA hats.  I don’t know where this is happening, but Buzzfeed shared a post from Biz_dave on Threads.  If you have any concerns that this might be happening anywhere near you, best check it out. 

So you don’t want to piss off a crow.  They will remember.  They will pass that info down generations.  They will come after you.

But, if you are nice to a crow? They will remember that too.  And if you befriend one, which I think we have clearly established is in your best interests, they might bring you shiny gifts.  Probably buttons they picked off the shirts or coats of people that pissed them off.

Crows have “funerals” for their dead.  They “mark the passing of their dead in two ways: with alarm calls or a series of loud scolds, and with mobbing. Mobbing is when multiple crows hear an alarm call, gather around the dead crow and also begin to scold. This usually lasts around 15 to 20 minutes.” 

Well, look at that.  My Corleone reference was spot on, it seems, what with the mobbing and all that grudge holding and vengeance.  Call it the Crowsa Nostra.

But these funerals aren’t so much about mourning as it is them trying to figure out the cause of death and spreading the word about potential dangers. 

Again, masks were utilized and involved placing a dead crow amongst them. Now, we can only assume they were consistent with using the cave man mask as the ‘dangerous’ face, though the article doesn’t say. But if someone returned to the site wearing the same mask as the one who placed the dead crow amongst them, even though they themselves weren’t carrying a dead crow, the crows would scold and dive bomb them.  The researchers called that “guilt by association.”

Crows create and use tools. And you thought only the primates could do this among the animal kingdom.  But as I learned reading this article, many of those primates made those tools while in captivity.  Crows however, might be “the only other animal besides early humans that habitually make hooks in the wild.”

These hooks the crows make are “essentially twigs shaped into hooks to fish out bugs burrowed in wood.”  Smart.

Crows.  Consider yourselves warned. Next time you see one, try giving it a little respect.   Because, the Crow will remember.