Sheets

Psst.  C’mere.  Gotta hot tip for you.

(She pauses, looks over her shoulders, leans in closely, and then whispers, “sheets.” )

Yes, you heard me.  Sheets.   They’re the hot commodity right now.  Forget crypto.  Apparently, the money is in sheets.

Why do I posit that, you ask?

Well, one only has to visit your local HomeGoods store to answer that question.

In need of a set of sheets the other day, I bopped into HomeGoods.

While perusing the sheet selection I became aware that they were all magnetically sealed with this clunky lock device.  The contraption locks the zipper on the plastic covering that encases the sheets.

I imagine corporate mahoffs at HomeGoods saying, “Woe to the person who would dare to abscond sheets without paying for them! Your attempts at thievery will be foiled! Don’t even think about it, because you will not be able to get the sheets out of the plastic covering thanks to the magnetic lock we have put on them!” Muwhaaaah!

A few thoughts ran through my mind as I stood before the sheets.

First.  Why the sheets? Of all the items that are in a HomeGoods store, and there are plenty, why do the sheets get special theft prevention treatment?  Don’t want me walking out with a set of sheets, but that Le Creuset baking dish? Go right ahead. 

Second.  Do they really think the lock will keep someone from stealing the sheets? Perhaps the lock will set off an alarm as you walk out of the store.  But anyone with a pocket knife can easily slice through the plastic and remove the sheets.

Third.  Argh.  I can’t feel the sheets.  I guess I’ll have to go out on a limb and trust the marketing copy on the packaging that tells me they are soft and comfortable.

Fourth:  All sheets, regardless of their level of thread count and quality received the same treatment.  The $35 set of organic cotton sheets with 300 thread count under the same lock and key as the $75 organic Egyptian cotton with 600 thread count.

Wow. 

Now you can see why I am thinking there is money in sheets.  Must be a hot market for them.

I know there is a trend these days for locking stuff up in stores.  I think it started with the Sudafed and the cough medicine.  Those darn illicit manufacturers of meth ruining it for the rest of us.

I am not sure at what point it morphed into baby diapers, feminine hygiene products, and pretty much anything they sell in a Walgreens.  I needed to buy both those items at a Walgreen’s in Brooklyn for my daughter who had just given birth over 9 months ago. 

I had to track down an annoyed coworker who had zero interest in opening the locked case for me and harassed me to hurry up and pick out the items I needed, so she could lock the case back up and go back to whatever it was she was doing which was certainly not helping customers.  I guess I’d be annoyed too if I had to unlock cases every time someone came in needing an item.

Hey.  I get it.  Retail theft is real and should be prevented.  But who is in charge of figuring out the best way to prevent it?

Maybe until they figure out a better way, I’ll stick with online shopping.